Here at Bigpipe we are fascinated with the phenomenon of hold music. Because we do online customer support, it’s not something our customers have to put up with. But other companies still force their customers to listen to endless crackly renditions of repetitive tunes. We thought, IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. So we asked our Facebook fans what the worst hold music to be stuck with for an hour would be. They delivered. 

1. Death by yodelling
“This is alright at first, but very quickly gets very annoying,” claims Anthony. We’re just surprised anyone could describe yodelling as “alright at first,” as opposed to “fingernails on the blackboard of my mind.”

Iggy Azalea appeared in the most-hated lists with alarming frequency. “I don’t think I could survive an hour of Iggy Azalea, especially an hour of Black Widow. BLACK WIDOW BABY BLACK WIDOW BABY BLACK WIDOW BABY OMG PLZ STOP,” said Kyle. Why? My dirty secret is that I have never once listened to Iggy Azalea. So I did, for science. The results of my experiment were roughly the same as coating a series of razor blades with acid and having them crammed roughly into my ears. It was fun!

3. We are lost in the darkness. Send help, and snacks
“I had a thought….THIS could be the new worst song,” claimed Damion. At first, we were confused. Tool. Who doesn’t like Tool? They’re one of the most consistently-popular bands in New Zealand! Then we listened to the song. We heard, and our souls were laid bare, and we burned in the cold light. We wept, and gnashed our teeth, and we understood the nature of pain.

4. Nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan
“If only I had my own ‘please wait’ button. I’m thinking nyan cat would be my ‘song’ for people I didn’t want to talk to :p,” says David. Nyan Cat! At first it’s cute and fun, then it’s funny, then it’s a bit grating, then it’s been playing for 10 hours and you are convulsing in a pool of rainbow blood. “But in saying that, smooth jazz Nyan cat is soothing.” says D.J. He’s right. It is. Listen. Be soothed.

5. Let It Grow More Annoying
“Only because id proberly start singing then id have to explain why i dislike (ahem) the song. Time to let it go!” says Logan, confusingly. What? Oh. Let It Go. This was a strong contender for worst hold song, probably because – as the saying goes – familiarity breeds insanity. Unsurprisingly, many who nominated this tune were also parents.

“The hamster dance song!” suggests Julie-anne. Yay! We remember that song! God, we wish we could forget it!

7. Wat. 
What in the name of God is this… monstrosity? We don’t know who nominated this, and we don’t care. They shall be removed from the circles of the earth, and cast into eternal darkness, where there is weeping, and gnashing of teeth.

8. Witty headline here
“My pick for awful music would be this one,” suggests David. Okay. Fair enough. Listen to it. Imagine being forced to hear it for an hour, and feel the will to live slowly slip away.

“Oh sorry I thought you said ‘best possible song'” said Matt. Imagine! All the people, raving as one!

10. Cisco hates customers, obviously
“OMG this has GOT to be the worst hold music ever!!!! This is the kind of hold music that makes you really angry and the longer you are on hold the angrier you get!!” says Vik. Yes. Yes. You are right.

11. Kill it with fire / best song ever
So there are bad songs, and there is bad singing. Then there is this guy. “So I was on hold this morning and decided to make a video for you guys. Awkward when they suddenly picked up!” chortles Logan.

“But you stopped before the HEYAYAYAYA!” we cried. We begged for more.

And OP delivered. How he delivered.

You win, Logan. You win forever. Truly, this is the hold music they play in Hell.

If you’d like to rid yourself of horrible hold music, why not join Bigpipe? As well as no waiting on hold, we have no caps, no contracts, and simply the best broadband. So there’s no reason why not 🙂