To anyone who reads this blog: This may be my last entry. This week, I interview and Photoshop my boss. Pray for me. 

Your Name Here 
Oliver Smith

early 30s/chap/sitting uncomfortably

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I live in a house with 5 females. My wife, 2 daughters, mother in law, and a bitch (my Huntaway dog, Ruby). My man cave is approximately 1 square metre – just enough room for a computer desk and a table.
You’ll rarely find me without my iPad, which I mostly use for playing Hearthstone (best arena run 11 wins, best ladder rank, 7).

Exciting! What do you get up to outside of work?
Mostly the same stuff I do at work – internet based hijinks. Bigpipe is love, Bigpipe is life.
Other than that, the usual dad stuff – family time, weekly trips to Bunnings (it’s like a toy shop for grown ups).

What work do you do for Bigpipe?
I’m the Boss. Which means I have to demonstrate leadership by being the best Rocket League player in the team. (which I definitely am – right?).

I dunno, man, can you even beat me at it? Anyway, what’s the best thing about Bigpipe?
Customer service done exclusively online. Seriously. It’s awesome. I don’t know why more ISPs don’t do it. Customers get faster resolutions, never ever have to wait on hold, never need to argue about who said what (it’s always right there in your inbox), and on top of all that it’s cheaper for us to manage. Phone lines are sooooo last decade.

What are you doing for Easter?
Heading to Marlborough with some friends. Doing some easter egg hunts for the kids, then eating all their chocolate after they go to bed.

Your poor children. What’s your favourite thing that you use the Internet for?
Endless browsing of Reddit and Imgur, tech discussions on Geekzone (if you see BigpipeNZ on Reddit or Geekzone, it’s usually me). I watch a lot of Twitch and Youtube – mostly Hearthstone vids.

It’s most likely Hearthstone, but we’ll ask anyway: Favourite video game right now?
After completing 2 playthroughs of Fallout 4 (sniper build with the institute ending and then a melee build with the BoS ending – Blitz is an absolutely ridiculous perk), I’ve been playing Dragon Age Inquisition to pass the time until FO4 DLC comes out. And, for the filthy casual in me I’ve also been playing a lot of Hearthstone when I need to visit the smallest office in the building.

Got it. Never touch your iPad. Don’t have to tell me twice. Right – what is your favourite meme?
So many to choose from. I’m a huge fan of meme-based communication. Probably ‘One does not simply walk into Mordor‘, but any of the Sean Bean ones are good.

What’s the best thing that a customer ever said to you?
Well, we had an email from a customer yesterday who told us that they had a door knocker from Vodafone,and instead of the door knocker selling them VF broadband, our customer ended up selling Bigpipe to the Vodafone guy. When the staff of your competitors prefer to use your product instead of theirs, you know you’re doing something right.

Would you rather fight 100 otter-sized men, or 1 man-sized otter?
Royal Rumble or one at a time? If I can go one on one, then the otter sized men.

Correct. Tell us a joke. 
Being a dad, I’m obviously a huge fan of dad jokes. When my kids don’t want to eat their vegetables I always tell them “Give peas a chance” It gets funnier every single time. Every… Single… Time…

Tell us an amusing anecdote.
No. I don’t have any that are printable.

Dang. Link us to your current favourite thing on the Internet
Right now, I’m loving Trump Donald. However, my favourite thing of all time is goats screaming like humans.

What is your spirit animal?
Proboscis Monkey.

Dear God. Who would have thought such monsters existed? Okay. Anything you’d like to add?
Make me look good in your photoshop – or I’ll find myself another photoshop-type person who can also write blog articles and play Rocket League.

No worries, boss.